Today is so fucking depressing. So much for eating cheesecake, and actually going OUT on a fucking Saturday night. Instead, let's all lie around and sleep...then wait until 9pm to eat dinner.


I shouldn't be resentful...I have no right to be.


But this just sucks.

I wish there was a way I could change the name of this thing.

"Sullen_Reject" doesn't seem to work for me anymore.

I have a feeling...that I will love my mum that much more, once I am no longer living under her roof.

Infact...I don't even think I want to live in the same state. Just far enough.



I miss school.

I need a F%^&^&& JOB.

I need money and I'll choke myself if I have to continue staying in this house ALL day...EVERY day...cause everyone else is working.

I'm effin tired of those annoying fucking questionaires that have a gazillion stupid questions on them. GRRRRR.

In other news, I've decided to buy the Sony Cybershot DSC-W35 or the DSC-W55. + I also have every intention of buying a bike for school. = ($300+).

Ok...maybe I don't NEED the bike, but it would make the commute from Pitt to campus fun...anndddd exciting...aaannnd exercisish. Therefore...asking my parents is both wrong and unfair, soos I need to make the money myself.


Somewhere...please hire me?

$7/hr?

Really?

Sigh. Well if I get it...PLEASE let there be college age counselors (at least).

Actually...that's not even going to matter...now is it.







I want to cry. I want to go somewhere. I want to buy clothes. I want to live in another state. I want to feel something I've never felt before. I want to dance. I want to drink. I really want to drink. I want to feel excited and inspired by something.



Shit.

So I have an interview tomorrow, for a Summer Day camp (kiddies k-4). Hopefully I'll be able to get the counselor job....even though I despise little brats.

If i don't get this...there's also this thing in White Plains that looks decent...so...I guess we'll see.

Robin Thicke is so fucking sexy. My God. That lucky lucky (damn pretty) wife of his. grr.

Anyway...I really need to do SOMETHING worthwhile instead of sitting on my fat ass. I can't even lie...it's fat alright. And all of this exercising needs to start fucking paying off. I need inspiration. Give me...6 pounds!! I'm young! My metabolism is supposed to be in full swing.

I can't believe I haven't finished Lovely Bones yet. It's like...I want to know what happens...but at the same time I'm afaid to know. Ya dig?

I'm seriously lovin my hair...let's hope it doesn't fall out.




I want a boy. Why can't I just have one?

I never thought I would be this anxious to get relaxer in my hair.

KJSAKLAWKLASJWEFADSFKDSKL!!!!!!!

God. My hair looks so bad...I don't even know what to do with it, except put it in a jacked up bun w/ naps all over the damn place.

I hate how I get. One thing is awry...and that ONE THING IS ALL I FUCKING THINK ABOUT.

Something in my life is missing.

Quest for 2007?

How sad.

Not a flake nor flurrie in sight.

Why don't I feel giddy and excited. Christmas is in two figgin days. Getting older doesn't mean forsaking the joy of the holidays. Or does it?

I kinda want to go back to school, but at the same time...I don't want to go back to school. So much freaking work. I guess I shouldn't complain because I'm taking less classes than most people next semester.

Since gettting a job might not work out...maybe I'll just volunteer at the PHC. I've always wanted to do that. I will go freaking crazy if I'm home all day in this house with Mum and James on my ass..and I know they will be.



Wow. This is what a pointless journal entry looks like.

I forgot...I had this.

DAYUM.

I wish I could wake up before 1pm.

Anywho, why do so many cute boys live in Mary Lyon?



What the fucking hay.

Man. I really want some cup n noodles...with real seasoning of course.

What can I say?

It's not like I didn't expect it to happen.

I can't believe that I'm moving in tomorrow.

Doing nothing....sitting in a hotel. How lame. I don't think we'll ever drive around Philly.




On a good note, I got a cute pair of clogs. WEEEEE.


I needed new music. I found new music. I want to buy music. But oohhh noooesss. Nobody wants to go to a music store. =(.

I got my hair done! I got my hair done! I got my hair done!



Thank God.




AND...I should be able to pick up a new sexy mouthpiece and ligature for my plastic on Friday or Saturday. WHOO.


Oh...but the day gets sweeter. I had bussupshot and curry chicken today. <3

I'm scared.

I'm not good at this whole "socializing" thing. And of course there's that "academic" thing too.



Why is it so hard for me to be me when I meet people? I see myself already...sitting in the corner...looking at everyone talking and laughing...and then wondering why I suck.




Le sigh. How shall I fight the inevitable?



On another note, I got a plastic Yamaha clarinet for school. It feels alright...and Chris is going to buy me a new mouthpiece. I should be aight.


The "Italian Job" is frickin crazy. Gotta love those Mini Coopers. AWWW, too cute.

I will have to wear one. There are some ugly ass swimming caps.

I can't just waste $120...which is probably how much it will cost to do my hair. My heart is set on wavy box braids. Cute, easy to manage, and deliciously long lasting.

I mean...how much "swimming" will we actually do in the aquatics class anyway. EW. I am not excited as I was before about "learning how to swim."

Damn you chlorine. Damn you to all hell.

So...looks like two weeks until school.


hmm.

Yeah


It's over.

I never lost weight for Ball. If anything, I gained maybe 5 MORE pounds. Ew. I hate my lack of willpower.


At least my Ball dress is HAWT...even though I already saw someone who wore it to Junior Prom.

"I've also been thinking about Ball again. I want to go, but I'm not sure if I'll "have fun." I really wanted to go with someone that wasn't a "friend." I know I'm not gonna get a bf for Ball or anything like that, but I still want to go to someone that I like/am attracted to. "





LOL, and they some.


The irony is startling.


Anywho, the quest for a Ball dress is going to be harder than I thought. I went to David's Bridal the other day...and they had NOTHING, ok, just "nothing" that made me go "this is the dress Ima wearin!" Maybe they'll get more stuff soon.

Maybe.




Tomorrow is my music trip! Yay, for hanging out with Georgie and just....going somewhere.